Unfriending Friends: the Heightened Stupidity of Facebook Posts
Man, I’m not so sure I care to post anything political on FB
anymore. Not because I’m worried about negative reactions and not because I don’t
recognize that some of us have radically different opinions on certain things. Nope,
I’ve been ruminating on something that strikes me as both funny and grossly
overlooked in myself and it kind of hit me out of the blue.
A lot of us – and oh, boy, am I guilty of this – will use
this phrase, “go ahead, if you voted for or support X, then just unfriend me”.
This is kind of a big “fuck you” to people that you are friends with. It’s also
a peculiar form of – what…self-preservation? We gear ourselves up for some kind
of backlash by expecting the worst from friends with whom we disagree? Yeah. I
think that’s it. And let's face it: it's pretty (very?) passive-agressive.
There’s also the “well, we’ll never see eye to eye, so I don’t
see the point in continuing this any further”; but do we ask ourselves what this
“this” is?
It dawned on me that while I have friends who have what, for
lack of better terms, are different or opposite views, does this mean that I
want to throw years of friendship over shipside because we don’t see eye to eye
on this or that political (and let’s face it, that’s what I’m talking about
here) topic? Why? Why would I do that? Because here’s what’s been bothering me
about this kind of rhetoric; it’s really stupid.
Look: my friends with whom I disagree with are going to
disagree with me and that’s all. If I post something that supports my view on
my wall or my blog, it’s a given that they’ll probably find little or nothing
or in it of value. And yes, they can comment. I haven’t blocked or unfriended
anyone because here’s the other side of
that equation; there’s more to friendships than political differences and it’s
really time to ask ourselves – across the full range of the spectrum – why
would you throw away a friendship based on political differences? How does that
enrich your world or you as a human being?
This really has been bothering me and I’m disappointed that
I’ve actually issued that broadside: if I write something you don’t like, you
might as well just unfriend me! Yeah, that accomplished a ton of stuff, doesn’t
it? But let’s dig deeper into this: when did holding differing views on one
thing (and it really comes down to only one thing) mean that we start going all
or nothing on who we’re friends with?
Are our friendships so fragile that just because I hold these
views and someone else holds others, that I’m going to write someone out of my
life with whom I’ve worked, shared beers and laughter and support in times where
support is needed? In other words, are our friendships so one-dimensional that we’re
just going to chuck them over self-perceived slights?
And this brings me to why do we post on FB anyway? Sure, it’s
to share this or that cool/funny/newsworthy item and maybe write something
about it and see who likes it (or not) and maybe even get a conversation going.
But why?
I like to hear myself talk. I like to write. I like a lot of
stuff, but I think it’d be disingenuous of me to say that I really want to engage
in conversations on FB about matters that many people can figure out where I
stand on. The folks who agree with me may write encouraging words, those who
disagree may leave a satirical/sarcastic note and no one’s the wiser for
anything I’ve written.
Why do I continue to use FB? Because it is good to see how
everyone’s doing; because I’ve kind of got it
tailored so that I can catch some quick headlines (on a variety of
topics; not just politics) and because, sure, it’s fun to share stuff that I
think others might find interesting/useful. However, as a platform for
discussion, it’s problematic.
I’m happy to engage in longer form discussions with folks,
for sure, where goodwill is assumed on all sides. For example, Marcel Myo Win
and I had a good exchange on Myanmar, the Rohingya and how perceptions in
geopolitics outside Myanmar drive the conversation (and many other things,
besides; Marcel is very articulate and smart and an exceedingly cool guy). While
enjoy this, it requires taking time to read/listen deeply and framing a
response worthy of the interaction takes a bit of thought and time, as well.
On the other hand, when I want to talk to folks more deeply
or privately, then there’s FB Messenger, Skype, WhatsApp, email…telephone. Exchanges
like the one with Marcel are edifying and I learn a lot from the engagement. The
same cannot be said for reading articles that – while I might agree with them –
are variations on something I’ve read elsewhere already and about which my perspective
isn’t likely to change, so why comment?
Occasionally, I’ve stumbled across something “provocative”
but this is a subjective term and it’s rare, but I don’t see the point in
replying because, well, either that’s the point (I’m supposed to out of having
my buttons pushed) or it was a mistake where I was tagged in a post that no one
would want to have my two cents on, so in either case, why respond?
Oh, there is one reason why I do keep FB around. It has
actually helped a couple of people out of some very dicey situations. And this
is where I really admire my friends who have helped facilitate resolving issues
where physical harm was a distinct possibility in one case and probability in
another.
Plus, you can use it for fundraising and circulating petitions and I suppose,
yes, posting articles that maybe other people haven’t seen or won’t see. And
food and pets.
But mostly, I find myself questioning why would I want to “unfriend”
friends? The people I know, even those I disagree with politically, are not
one-dimensional. The concerns in their lives are not reducible to only one
value. Indeed, these folks do hold similar values; I don’t think it’s a stretch
to say that they do believe in helping others and being decent people. I know
for a fact that we share similar interests; film, literature, theater, and so
on. Why would I want to lose that?
Since this is on my blog and not on FB – it would be a hella
long post, otherwise – I suppose it’s fair to say that I’m gearing up to write
more here that is more of a political bent (however, I’ve got more art-related
stuff in the works first) by way of alerting whomever to check here for more genuine/salient
commentary than on Facebook.
Hey John, You have to read Roger McNamee's book, "ZUCKED - waking up to the Facebook catastrophe."
ReplyDeleteIt's quite a hatchet job and done with an insider's viewpoint, so utterly credible. Guaranteed to open your eyes to the problems of using Facebook and fascinating about how Zuckerberg's preoccupation with metrics (particularly numbers of users of FB) over actual people. He goes into the disastrous privacy issue and the way bad actors have hijacked its powers of persuasion. Especially interesting I thought, was McNamee's description of the bubbles that develop around people of like mind and shared viewpoints (viz. "likes" that end up isolating them from the broader view or alternative ways of seeing things. He puts it extremely succinctly.
Please read it. It relates strongly to your interestingb blog piece here.
By the way we know Roger. He's an unusual combination of billionaire and Rock musician. He put together the band Moonalice. See youtube. Really nice guy, Much integrity there.
Hope you're ok John. All best.
Chris
This is from Penguin/Random House website:
ABOUT ZUCKED
The New York Times bestseller about a noted tech venture capitalist, early mentor to Mark Zuckerberg, and Facebook investor, who wakes up to the serious damage Facebook is doing to our society – and sets out to try to stop it.
If you had told Roger McNamee even three years ago that he would soon be devoting himself to stopping Facebook from destroying our democracy, he would have howled with laughter. He had mentored many tech leaders in his illustrious career as an investor, but few things had made him prouder, or been better for his fund’s bottom line, than his early service to Mark Zuckerberg. Still a large shareholder in Facebook, he had every good reason to stay on the bright side. Until he simply couldn’t.
ZUCKED is McNamee’s intimate reckoning with the catastrophic failure of the head of one of the world’s most powerful companies to face up to the damage he is doing. It’s a story that begins with a series of rude awakenings. First there is the author’s dawning realization that the platform is being manipulated by some very bad actors. Then there is the even more unsettling realization that Zuckerberg and Sheryl Sandberg are unable or unwilling to share his concerns, polite as they may be to his face.
And then comes the election of Donald Trump, and the emergence of one horrific piece of news after another about the malign ends to which the Facebook platform has been put. To McNamee’s shock, even still Facebook’s leaders duck and dissemble, viewing the matter as a public relations problem. Now thoroughly alienated, McNamee digs into the issue, and fortuitously meets up with some fellow travelers who share his concern, and help him sharpen its focus. Soon he and a dream team of Silicon Valley technologists are charging into the fray, to raise consciousness about the existential threat of Facebook, and the persuasion architecture of the attention economy more broadly — to our public health and to our political order.
Zucked is both an enthralling personal narrative and a masterful explication of the forces that have conspired to place us all on the horns of this dilemma. This is the story of a company and its leadership, but it’s also a larger tale of a business sector unmoored from normal constraints, just at a moment of political and cultural crisis, the worst possible time to be given new tools for summoning the darker angels of our nature and whipping them into a frenzy. Like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window, Roger McNamee happened to be in the right place to witness a crime, and it took him some time to make sense of what he was seeing and what we ought to do about it. The result of that effort is a wise, hard-hitting, and urgently necessary account that crystallizes the issue definitively for the rest of us.
Did you check out this book?
ReplyDeletePlease do. He addresses much of what you are saying. He points out the.limitimg effects of what he calls "filter bubbles" that are created when we only "like" posts that we are in agreement with thus isolating ourselves in a FB group that has the same ideas as ourselves and preventing real discussion. Unfriending is a manifestation of the negativity that comes from being stuck inside a filter bubble. Incidentally, filter bubbles also enable bad (and good) actors,who can become a "member" of the bubble's group, to exploit the specific interests of the group and target them with ads and political messages/propaganda etc that fit the biases their likes reveal. All we do on FB is up for grabs. The only way to avoid that is to get off Facebook altogether.
Then his whole schtick on how FB sells off our data to pretty much whoever can buy it is truly alarming and created the whole 2016 election mess.
And so on . . . Read it! xChris.
BTW, your new art looks great!
Hey Chris!
DeleteI see I have to turn notifications on on this blog. Yeesh.
Thanks for the heads-up about "Zucked". It was, in fact, on my radar, and I've been leery of FB ever since I signed onto it. I joined a number of years back out of peer pressure and it has been a mixed blessing ever since. The whole FB group thing is problematic and I could go on ad nauseum about how difficult it is to genuinely entertain disparate/competing ideas with any kind of nuance on the platform. It's not impossible - I've done it - but it's time-consuming (and sometimes exhausting). I'd rather talk on the phone or vid chat if the issue is so important to both parties*
Anywho, I just downloaded "Zucked" to my Kindle! I'm looking forward to it.
I remember Moonalice from a few years ago! G.E.Smith plays with them (damn good guitarist).
Thanks for the comments on the art; there's more on the way. I'm doing a bunch of silly ass little drawings right now; the amusement never stops!
Big love to you and Yana and who knows? Once we can travel again, I may come a-knocking on doors in Berkeley!
Cheers,
J
Hi John,
DeleteFinally got your response. Glad you have Zucked! An eye opener and confirmation of everything one suspected. Meanwhile keep the creative flow going! Look forward to next encounter wherever that might be. To your good health! x Chris.